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I found similarities between the people in my life and creators at YouTube who resembled them that were so striking, I tried writing some of them to ask if they were the people I knew, but was largely ignored.

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For example: Many of people I know in real life seem to be the producers (or talent) of my favorite YouTube Channels:

A friend of mine named Jeff is the splitting image of Mr. Carlson, at Mr. Carlson's Lab.

Another friend of mine who helped me get around when I wasn't driving is very similar to an English Actor who shares stories about narrowboating Canals in the UK. I've worked to ensure the safety of pedestrians along my stretch of the river (at Poetry), but can only cover my city and there is so much more work to do.

Avatars continued

When I see people who remind me of others, I wonder if they've shown up to remind me of a problem that still needs my attention. In this clip the author pens his daughter's name upon her approval (In this story the author is denied creative endeavor by a publisher who focuses on the darker side of the human condition).

The inability to see what is meant by a sequence of photos, or a fragmented view of reality can be comprehended simply by assembling and reassembling the fragmented views of compromised vision, or peripheral vision until our saliency returns!

And my friend Ray, who suffered painful injuries before he died was a good friend to many and probably saved more lives than anyone I've ever met, but he seems to have shown up as a character in this animation falling apart while bringing the figure of the Mother Mary to a mountain top.


The history of Carthage, who's history and practice of ritual child sacrifice was nearly completely removed, allowed for just a glimpse of the truth to be told after the Roman holocaust that burned their civilization to the ground.

And because some, who have avoided the consequences of efforts to take comfort in the East, are unable to rule out what many see as the only retreat left for the West - our own children, I've advocated for the use of machines, though it's unrealistic for the average person to believe in adaptations like these at this time.

Death may not be the end, but I can't ally with those who side with it, so while working on the consequences of reporting a hate crime scene I encountered, people like Geoff Lawton, who solving technical problems like keeping a roadside pond fertile through the fire season, helped me to keep in mind that whatever has lived, can live again. There may be cosmological reasons for this, but that clockwork may reveal its secrets to us under these circumstances.

Semblance of Self

I kept finding clips from movies and shows so specific to my life that I decided to write the creators with my own circumstances to stay in touch with their perspective on my problems.

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When my family name was used in a feature presentation to describe a fallen Nazi, I realized that my problems weren't merely my suspicions at play; some posed very real threats to my very survival. Perhaps because we hired a concentration camp survivor when I was a child (I relieved her of her duties when I got home from school) our intentions were misunderstood.

We were taught to own our behavior, so I do my best to be accountable, but Scandinavian descent, like any other, may be thought to possess characteristics we don't always have.

Semblance of Self continued

The first line of Neuromancer set off alarms in my head: “The sky over the port was the color of television tuned to a dead channel.” What? Why? What had I missed? What have I overlooked? I knew something was wrong when I left home, but I wasn't certain of what it was!

So when the severity of life continued to confront me and I realized how many are dying while trying to be helpful, I had to ask myself: "Are we dying in vain?" 3 Minutes and 40 seconds into the video linked below, Shakti Malan describes the problem of treating a young boy with a enema. She died in 2017 pursuing allegations at a camp in Brazil with John of God. I wrote more specifically about this problem at: Historical Treatments

Semblance of Self continued

So I carry on by writing others with similar problems, and those that can help. Some, like the late great Karl Lagerfeld, and Liliane Bettencourt have already made way so I look for signs of life and success whenever they do. Even if we get hurt working to achieve it, we may learn to carry on by artistic endeavor in spite of the damages we suffer in order to bring the truth to bear well.


But when I encountered transformations that took place in just one day, I realized I was really onto something.

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A friend of mine by the name Steve, who was very helpful to me during my courtship of an Admiral's daughter, reminded me of the need to commit myself to life and the living. My depression during those years bordered on a morbidity more characteristic of the fatally wounded, who the Admiral had already dealt with. As he put it, a man on deck with a broken back doesn't really care if he lives or dies anymore and that's dangerous too.

Transformations continued

So when an Author I revere started taking on the resemblance of a friend who's unrelated project went unattended (my focus was on web development), I finally got around to taking care of her request by combing through and reorganized three long drawers of horribly disorganized files to find the draft of her book "Self Transformation" that was misplaced in my bookcase.

my friend rebecca

Transformations continued

I couldn't return to be at peace with my family, or freely assemble with my community while surrounded by death, missing persons and suspicion, so I went to work more vigorously online. The Internet has international scope, so I also had to reach across to problems that resulted from my ancestry and assumptions about me, and automated translations did not prove adequate for my purposes so far; I found much of my work corrupted by the effort to do so, but flying a Cutlass off the Ticonderoga during the Korean Conflict didn't strengthen our bonds in Korea, Grandpa's mission in China wasn't welcome and working to repair the damage that's been done by efforts to report the problems we live with has made life at home very difficult.


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