How I fell mattered. I was awakened by a consciousness larger than my own and fell through a state of grace that was euphoric back to a former state of shame. A break from myself that most people don't access until they're facing death, incarceration, or infirmity followed by many more similar experiences to set me free. We need serious motivation to follow through with the teachings of the program. It's challenging work, but if you've experienced any kind of relief while doing so, it's a pretty good indication that you're on the right pathe.
Like a gap in an approaching storm we can ride through the approaching cloud bank to settle down on the lee side before getting another night's rest.
I plugged away by opening up about shame based behavior and sharing what I knew, so I was afforded the opportunity to work on the incident that motivated the early intervention (My friend Mary's guidance and suggestions which included admonitions to be free from the curse and to bind opposition.)
That the shame I was preoccupied with, based upon circumstances that were different from those I left behind, is significant, because it was distracting. Like many other forms of forgiveness, the spiritual intervention that I woke up to in my 20s was based upon circumstances at the age of 7 that I completely forgot about as a result of the intervention.
The two circumstances were related, but overlooked the cause of the problem: One, the guidance of my friend Mary, who helped me search for four leaf clover in the grass, and taught me to whistle was a Christian message admonishing me not to curse.
And the other, a shame based state that I had completely forgotten about that occurred several years later in a new home with my extended family.