Loony Tunes Play the Cardinal Sins
I realized
...that what really bothered me when I was a child was very simple: powerful sex!
Shocking sex conduct I couldn't live up to resulted in challenges of all kinds throughout my life. See: Lust for a more thorough discussion of the matter, but I also found comfort in the creation story and in meetings with others where I could discuss my concerns. Here are some of the places I've tried: Bible Studies and Meetings
What I learned is that there are a wide variety of opinions on the subject, but that our sex powers are God given and neither to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised or loathed. It is one of the very few areas in life where we must rely upon God for help, not others.
So I tempted the very thing I was afraid of,
to evaluate the magnitude of the threat I was dealing with.
But to cause a thing to happen is even more dangerous than leaving it be, no matter how well prepared we think we are for the result: distractions and diversions of every kind by nearly everyone else around because nobody can admit to the behavior whatsoever. So I carried on by following through with what was suggested to keep myself in check: Consent, Boundaries & Treatment Plans
And by then,
false pride in my ability to start movements embarrassed those around me who were much more interested in:
The recovery of those who actually did need a gurney, or stretcher to deal with the injuries that resulted from the bad swinger that I was. (When the conductor asked me to lead the orchestra and handed me the baton down at the Smorgasbord, questions like: "How hard was he hit?" didn't compute). Please see: Historical Treatments. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know what it was without a memory for the incident.
So I had to ask for help!
(The failure to get my own needs met led to the use of labels).
And lack of faith in me as a person, so I gave up on the competitive life and failed to make use my talents to rely on the mercy of others. Please see also: Step Primer The Deadly Sins really are deadly! If we cannot get our needs met for whatever reason and have to rely upon the mercy of others, we are not likely to do very well. Please see also: Resources
Ultimately,
I believed I had a right to be here, but when mafia dot com posted my name on their website...
for failing to pay child support in a ghost town, I decided to learn to play on their turf: Please see also, Transpositions, second column 'The Evaluating Mind' (Transpositions). I declined the opportunity to be of service when The Fates demanded satisfaction, but didn't think it wrong necessarily and so did follow subjects in the paperback books at the time, like the Happy Hooker and The Making of a Surgeon.
We all muddle through,
but without secure banking solutions, I couldn't fulfil the terms of my investors agreement...
So I proceeded to do all I could to resolve conflict and establish good will within my circle. Unfortunately, we have no guarantee that good faith efforts will ever be compensated: Web Development Confused child that I was led to blindly following instruction quite likely exploit, or be harmful to me until I was able to understand the motivations for doing so. Please see also: Retrospective
And coming clean to do my part
really helped me to find options and alternatives that work.
The value of the rights and responsibilities that we share have not only served me, but those I've been able to reach as well. So I provide a list of aspirations for first responders, alternative approaches to health and wellness, and due process for appeals as well here: Bill of Rights
Obtaining food when we're poor can be a challenge. I wore out my welcome at soup kitchens, and live with the damages from an assault while on my way to eat at one.
The overindulgence and overconsumption of anything, (in this case eating excessive amounts of food), is considered wrong if the resulting lack causes it to be withheld from the needy. If you're needy, please feel free to make use of the soup kitchens and food shelves in the area, but do what you can to give back, and don't go there if you don't need to. I put together a list of emergency food sources in the area that work hard to do so safely, and should be able to supply the average person with enough backup to make ends meet without daily reliance on Supper Clubs, or Soup Kitchens.
Problem Solving Training
When faced with a crisis of our own making, we need to rely upon the judgement of others, and guidance and direction provided by God, and well meaning people and institutions. However, to fully rely upon external control is to loose control over one's own life, resulting in a feeling of futility, and uselessness.
Even if it works as a program of action, we can become dependent upon the program, rather than independent and vibrant with the challenges of life. We were given free-will to become more useful - to actually participate in creation and be useful to God. We are trusted so we can be helpful by working on the problems we were given to solve.
If we learn to trust ourselves and God, then by the power of divine intervention (though we may sometimes make mistakes) we will learn how to be more effective with others, and feel good about our ability to make careful decisions. We will become free of judgements, and confident in ourselves, and our ability to empower each other.
Exactly what is the problem?
For Example: Though we may not be able to talk about it, we may realize that our relationship has become shallow - that we keep repeating the same meaningless behavior, and that some of the behavior is really harmful, like making up after a fight with fitful sex, knowing full well its only a matter of time before the fighting starts all over again.
This seems like a cycle of abuse. Please see: Cycle of Abuse
The idea is to state the problem clearly in one line. If we're angry, or fearful, we need to work on those troubling emotions before tackling problem solving. Here are some forms that will help resolve those toxic emotions:
Naturally, we could see a professional for services like couples counseling, or anger management, but if our partner isn't willing to participate in these kinds of activities, or doesn't see our point of view, researching the problem on our own will be very important to us.
We may find that the problem is related to substance abuse, or based upon victim mentality, and the program we choose will necessarily depend on the information we have, as well as what we can find out.
Sometimes, there's nothing that can be done about a lifestyle choice, or an illegal activity, but there are programs and services designed specifically for that kind of obstacle, such as Al-Anon, or CODA. Please see: Anonymous Fellowships
If we've done our research well, we might wake from a dream with a great idea! Keep paper and pen close to jot it down before forgetting, especially at night. A serious researcher gets completely immersed in a problem, and true innovation comes from within.
While we may find guidance and direction online, most of the problems that deeply trouble each of us are usually based on our own circumstances and behavior, so don't hesitate to do self-examination if necessary, just to become clear about our own influence on the situation.
(We don't want to become the problem.) Please see: Self Examination, or refer to these worksheets here for an evaluation of what might be wrong, and what to do instead. Its up to us!
Use a Decision Tree: Please see: Decision Tree, to more easily see what the consequences of our decisions will be.
If we're really careful, we can even assign values to each Pro and Con, to emphasize which is most important.
For example, if we are choosing where to live, where we work might be very important. but if one of our options is working at home, then where we work will be wherever we live, and won't matter to our decision at all.
This is a good example of the kind of complexity we need to deal with. Depending upon which option is chosen, the value of the work location will vary. In order to make decisions like these well, we will need to write our options down. Not all options can be evaluated carefully in the mind!
Create a list of do-able steps. A great example of baby-steps was created by The Founders of the 12-Step Program. (Please see: Step Primer.)
The Program Founders were a part of a Christian Fellowship known as the Oxford Group, and their radical 6-Step Program must have seemed daunting to early sobriety, so rather than doing Restitution in one step, they broke it down into two:
- In Step 8, just the list.
- And then, in Step 9, the direct amends.
Even each of those steps can become more well developed by listing for example, a break down of Step 8 into:
- Those to whom we will never make amends,
- Those to whom we're sure we will,
- And those to whom we might make amends to after some time in prayer.
I chose not to do this, but suggestions for preparing to make amends are here:
The point is, to write a plan in steps we know we can accomplish.
If you have ever done this before, you already know its a lot of work, but if we've been careful about each step of the process, we will have done our work very well. Every Country, Corporation, Church and People has used this process, or one very much like it. The plan is to share a few strategies to help avoid pitfalls along the way (like victim mentality).
On the evaluation form, we will determine if the time and energy we put into this was worth our while. We'll need to be honest with ourselves about various strategies we've used to achieve peace of mind. Please see: Evaluation Form to determine if anything works for you.
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